Saturday, August 29, 2015

Feathery Discipline Review

The magical 100th post! There should be a celebration.

Thank you, Kevin Bacon.

So, for our 100th post of AWESOME we have a review! Mostly because I haven't had any new
We have problems with this cover for
this particular book. More later.
thoughts on erotica quite yet.

The review I'm doing today is of Renee Jordan's Feathery Discipline. Renee's very nice and retweets a lot of my advert tweets often, so this is a bit of payback for her being so nice. I wish I had chosen another of her books though, as I might be a bit... harsh at some points here. We'll start with the good.

One of the things that I liked is that our protagonist is not only a big curvy woman (hurray for fat love!) but that she started her own business! I like that! She was a go-getter! The whole plot revolves around that. Zera, which is somehow short for Alexandra, moves from a small town to the big city of Seattle to make her own business hiring out as a big beautiful maid. She takes a sexy picture for her advertisement on the web page, and that is the crux of the funniest part of the book. When she gets hired by Mr. Draven, a billionaire, to clean his house... she shows up like any housekeeper would. Like the picture below.

Super sexy!

Mr. Draven is very disappointed she isn't dressed in her sexy French maid outfit, and gives her four hundred bucks to buy a new one. Thus begins her submission to him.

The sex itself is written alright. It'll get your rocks off, especially if you are into the BBW fetish, because the author hits that hard (which is a plus in erotica). The author also hits the billionaire fetish hard, and there are some nice BDSM scenes throughout. None of it really got my motor revving, but billionaire is not one of my kinks. Maybe if it was, I would be more raving about it, because the sexy scenes were sexy. Which is the whole point. At this point, if you're looking for just a sexy read, you can stop here. It's sexy. There's lots of sex in it. It's a fairly long book (85ish pages about) for $2.99, you'll get lots of orgasms for your dollahs.

Because now I have to hit the bad points, and sadly there are a few of them. Now, I don't know how to review erotica without reviewing as a damn book. I know how to deconstruct books, look for plot, characterization, literary devices, spelling, grammar, etc etc etc. I don't know how to NOT review in this fashion, and when I leave a book I take the whole thing away with me. These words are imprinted onto my brain folks, so ... I have to review them all. And this is also not to say that MY stuff is super duper awesome. I'll admit, a lot of my stories I'm a hack writer. I make mistakes. I shove them out ASAFP to make money. I also hate editing. So, this is not saying that my stuff is awesome or more awesomer. When it comes right down to it, every review is an opinion and people will have many different opinions on the same thing.

Can you tell I don't want to hurt Renee's feelings? Ok, now onto the bad.

The cover. It's not good. It's plain, which is fine. Plain can work. Look at Felicity Brandon's books... they're all very straight and plain, but effective. However, the protagonist of this book is a big beautiful woman with curves... with red curly hair. Look at that cover. She is not big, nor a redhead. A little misleading.

The very first thing which threw me into strict editing mode was that the best friend's name changed from Issy to Izzy and back again. That was a major mistake. Yeah, there were some other errors in there--like "an" instead of "and" or extra apostrophes that didn't belong--but most of those were pretty minor. When editing, your eye skips right over them. I get that. The name-changing is something I can't forgive... it was for an entire chapter, and that's pretty major. The second grammar related thing I absolutely cannot forgive is the line:
I looked like the most sexiest, sluttiest maid ever.
What's wrong with that? Yup, that's right. You don't use two adjectives like that. You can't be the "most best", you're just the best. In this example, she's not the most sexiest, sluttiest maid ever, she's the sexiest, sluttiest maid ever. Breaking that grammar rule, even more than forgetting the friend's name, broke me out of what suspension of disbelief I had. Grammar nazi? Why yes, yes I am.

The other thing is that while the protagonist Zera started off adventurous moving to a big city and starting her own business (Yay!), she quickly capitulated to the billionaire who hired her to be his slutty maid. And she was also uncertain about her looks, which I was like, "Damn, girl, if you're flaunting your shit all over the internet in a slutty maid's outfit, have some damn pride in your looks!" That's pretty quickly abandoned though. The last thing, which put the nail in the coffin for me was that after one kiss, she falls in love.


I know it's an erotic romance. I get that. But give me a little bit more tension. A little more. I mean, we all know there's going to be a happily ever after, or at least a happy for now ending. Nope, one kiss. Not FUCKING her, no no. Kissing her. Once. Lurv. Sigh. I was also disappointed that the twist in the middle (one of) with the girlfriend wasn't used more effectively. I would have enjoyed a punishment scene with the girlfriend and the slutty maid. Gimme some hot hate sex.

It's not sexy, it's hurty.
In the end, I have to give this book three feather dusters of ten. If you just want to get your rocks off, this will absolutely work. Alas, because I am picky and tear things apart, I just could not sit back and enjoy the book. It wasn't the worst ever. Also, keep in mind that I would rate 50 Shades of Grey NEGATIVE FIFTY because I hate that book so fucking much, and that seems to be the standard for eroms now.

TL;DR: Sex scenes good, everything else... meh.

EDIT: I keep finding stuff I forgot to mention, like how the protagonist talked about her bra/bodice being so tight she almost fell out of it because BIG BEWBS. I have big bewbs IRL. The image that came to me was not sexy, it was, "Girl, you need to get a bra that fits right" coupled with a side of "fourboob". Bras can actually pinch quite hard if you are not wearing one that fits right, and you can get low cut bras that are sexy and lacy and very pretty! But fourboob is one of the most horrible and uncomfortable things ever for a lady.

1 comment:

  1. I think this is a fair review. A BBW book with a girl on the cover who's body is as hard as a rock? That just doesn't fly.