Opinions Are Like....

Hidey ho, neighborinos! I know it's been a little while since I blogged, but here's an update. :D

I actually got my first 1 star reviews the other day. I was a little stunned by it, because it was on the audio book versions of The Queen of Swords and The Prince of Cups on audible.com. I won't say they are high literature, but whomever did it drove by and left one star on "Overall" and "Story" (but I am happy to say they gave the "Performance" part 4 stars which was good! Rebecca Wolfe did a fantastic job on them, and I think I would have been waaaaay more upset if they had voted down her performance!) without leaving an actual review. On Audible, you can do that, which is fine. I get some people may not want to leave reviews with their names attached.

However, it does mystify me as to why the one star reviews. Again, I won't say they are high literature, but they aren't just a three thousand stroke pamphlet (or 20 minute stroke audio track) either! They are free from spelling errors and most grammatical errors. The story isn't just 'And they fucked'. The only thing I can think of is the EPIC miscategorization Audible put The Queen of Swords in... they put it in Romance. It is NOT romance. Not one bit. Not even a little teensy tiny bit. I categorized it on Amazon as sci-fi, dark fantasy, and action. There are sexy parts in it, yes, but it says on the COVER that it is super-powered erotica.

However, that is on the cover, and not in the blurb. I DO mark it as having strong sexual content and violent content as well, so there's fair warning. I can see how someone looking for a romance would be disappointed. Hell, there's a review on the UK Audible site which says that! They still thought it was interesting, and marked it as three stars. That's fair.

The miscategorization? Not my fault. When Audible makes the blurb and categorizes it, they pull the information directly from Amazon. I have nothing to do with the input. All I do is look for producers, approve the audio, upload the cover... that's it. Everything else is automated, which may not be the best system, for examples such as these. I got a little paranoid about it, trying to suss out the reasons.

Then... I figured it out.

It doesn't matter.

Everyone has an opinion and you know what? Everyone's entitled to that opinion. No matter the cause of the one stars, that person did not like them, and that's ok. People who rave about my stuff and rate them four or five? They are also entitled to their opinion. Even middle ground Max in the middle with rankings... yup, they are entitled as well. Everyone has a unique take on things, and it doesn't mean things are bad. It means that person did not like it. That's all.

And I'm cool with that. As the old saying goes, opinions are like assholes; everyone's got one. Instead of taking this as a negative experience and angsting about the why's, I'm choosing to take it as a positive thing. Someone found these audio books and took the time to rate it, so I got a reaction. Isn't that what all creative people want? To create a reaction in people? A feeling?

In other news, up to 66K in The Princess of Wands. I'm hoping to get a lot more written in the next few days. I sense the end coming up, and it's making me anxious!

Reviewing as an Author

What's this? Another reviewing blog post? Well, it's important! And it's something I enjoy doing. Everyone likes to have their opinion heard! However, reviewing as an author is tricky. It is. There are some rules you need to obey from Amazon, but they don't tell you these rules.

First and foremost, if you are an author and you are reviewing something in the genre you write (and I've heard it anything at all, but especially the genre you write in), if you leave a bad review--one or two stars--Amazon may review your review and determine that you are trying to sink the other author by deliberating leaving bad reviews. Amazon's a bit picking about reviews... no family, no friends, and if they catch people who know the author leaving reviews, nebulous bad things will happen! Well, actually not so nebulous--the reviews will disappear. This has been documented in other writing blogs so I shan't go over it here. However, the one or two star thing you really should pay attention to. I try very hard not to give low reviews. I also try very hard not to give stellar reviews all the time, because it's disingenuous. I want to give my honest opinion. Happily, most books are at least three star worthy! It takes something bad to earn less than that.

Have I left bad reviews? Yes, of course. However, as a responsible reviewer especially for the Naughty Snitch Blog, if it's a bad review, I will contact the author first. I have before, and I will again. I will tell them why I found the book bad, and what I found good about it, then ask them if they want me to leave the review. It's a courtesy. When I DO leave a bad review that is not for the NBS site, depending on the author, the book, and honestly my mood at the time I will leave it on Goodreads AND Amazon, or just on Goodreads. No matter what, it's under my real name though.

Why my real name? First, there are more reviews than on the pen name. Second, Amazon knows it's me--the accounts are connected, it's not like I'm hiding from them so any worries about quality control or sneaking around should be assuaged.Third, I believe that strongly in what I'm saying. It's never just a 'Oh, it sucked' review. I list why I didn't like it, what I DID like about it, and suggestions if I think of any which may be applicable, especially with grammar, spelling, and formatting as all of those are easily fixable.

I mean what I say, and I'll stand behind it. However, why not always post on both GR and Amazon? As an author, I realize reviews can hurt books and sales. Keeping in mind that hidden rule of Amazon's from above, I also put MY publishing account in possible jeopardy. So, if it's on Amazon... yes, I feel that strongly about it. The second reason is just not to be a dick. Most authors pay attention to Goodreads too, and if a book already has over the magic number of 25 and are getting promotions from Amazon and showing up on also boughts and so on, they don't really need the review to help get noticed... but the constructive criticism in the review may still be read and appreciated. It may. Not usually, but it may.

When reviewing books, I look at it in three different ways. If I was reading the book as a reader, writer, and editor. As a reader... did I enjoy the story? Did it grip me? Did it provoke an emotional reaction? As a writer, did the plot make sense? Were the characters interesting? If I had to change it, would I? As an editor, how many errors are there? Are words spelled right? Is the formatting OK? How's the cover, is it eyecatching? Descriptive of the book? Will the blurb and cover sell books?

All of those go into what I think is a good book, and just because a book may have a bad cover doesn't mean the inside is crap. For instance, Sakura Von Sternberg's Erotic Adventures of Joan of Arc and Space Captain Cydd Yoshiba. I fucking loved that book. LOVED IT. But the cover (when I reviewed it) was terribad. The new cover is better, cleaner, with easier to read text and the author name standing out. Cover is appropriate for the book, but not necessarily erotica. But leaps better than the old one. Even though I hated the cover, I still gave the book five stars because it was that fucking good. I didn't just borrow it in the KU program... I bought it as well. LOVED it.

Which means y'all should go out and buy it right now.

Another one is Bohemia Beach. Lovely cover, good for romance, but the content was... a bit boring. Sexy filled, sure, but it lacked the fire, the... pizzazz. It was passable. The writing was good, there were hardly any errors, spelling was fine, the characters... bit boring. When they weren't boring... they got boring. I like sexy times as much as the next person (and I appreciate so much fellatio in the book!), but without a more interesting hook, I was bored. And I've read a ton of romances. I know some of them can be silly and they are all formulaic, but that formula works for a reason. Yet I didn't feel reading the book was a complete waste of time either, and I learned a lot about pottery!

I think it's more complicated to review things as an author, and not just because of Amazon's secret rule or to not be a dick. I tend to overcomplicate things, true, but it still takes a critical eye to look at a piece of creative work and critique it honestly. And it's hard to hear that criticism at times. BJ Thomas reviewed Knob Jobs and Broomsticks and gave it three stars. It smarted... but he had a valid point. He didn't like one of the characters in it, and thus his enjoyment of the book was brought down. A great review, and it wasn't bad! I just got all snooty thinking my stuff was totally awesome.

But it's not. Oh lord, it's not.

Don't get me wrong. Villainess I think I would probably rate it 4.5 to 5 stars, and maybe Delilah too. The Janus Key stuff, while all very amusing, would be 3-4 stars. Maybe a shining five here and there if it was particularly funny (like the first one was). Rock Hardin? Probably 3-5 stars. The Dominating ones... those ones... yeah, I was dialing it in, and for some of them it shows. Those would vary the most, being from 2 to maybe 4.5 stars. So you know, being able to take the skills you learn in reviewing other people's books and applying them to your own isn't a bad thing. I know we authors all want to think our shit is the best, and that everyone will love it, but even if it was the freaking Mona Lisa, there will still be critics, and there always will be.

One lesson to take from reading and reviewing a lot of books is how to look at your own and understand, "Hey, I love this, but other people may not."

I think I got off track at the end here, but all the points are valid.

New Naughty Book Snitch Review ~ Sorceress of Desire

Yes, finally I have gotten back on the reviewing kick after a little while of being absent. Not really absent, but I was concentrating on finishing Operation: Deep Nine and now I'm concentrating on finishing Prince of Cups. It's at 52,000 words so far... officially novel length! In two thousand words, it will officially be double the size of Queen of Swords. I'm ... really happy about that. End result? Not much time for reviewing.

Here is the review on the Naughty Book Snitch site. Check it out!

On Reviewing...

There's an old saying that goes, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." That can't be more wrong. First, in order to teach something you have to have a basic understanding of it. Second, teaching is a skill all its own. You can be smart as hell, but have no idea how to teach someone what you know. Just about everything takes a skill... reading, writing, driving, eating, tying your shoes, etc etc etc. Anything. The only thing that really isn't... is reviewing.

Stay with me here. Reviewing something is basically stating your opinion. Now, a lot of people maybe can't state it in a way that's amusing to other people, or perhaps they can't quite express their opinion clearly and get others to agree with them... but absolutely everyone can say "I like this" or "I hate this". There is absolutely no right or wrong answer when it comes to reviewing because it's an opinion and thus purely subjective.

What makes a good review though? That's a question that confounds a lot of people. In my opinion, a good review is an honest one, which lists both positives and negatives about an item, and allows people to get the most information. Ideally, this would be in a format which is amusing, as well as being easy to read. The most important part about a review is honesty. If I wanted someone to blow smoke up my butt, I can get that. Might cost extra, but I can get it. Having someone be completely honest about something I wrote is worth a thousand sycophants, especially if it holds constructive criticism in it.

Not so long ago, Nessa Dearmond reviewed Knob Jobs and Broomsticks, and gave it an average rating of 3 stars. Not bad. Honestly, that's the best I can really hope for is "Yeah, it's ok" because opinions on art especially vary so widely. When they approached me to do a review, I was like, "BE HONEST. BRUTALLY SO." They were. And it wasn't that brutal. Reading it still hurt a touch because c'mon writers... when you have people read your stuff, you expect rave reviews, don't you? Even if you're being modest, you still expect it because it's something YOU like and you expect others to like it as well. So, reading it I was like, O.O but I appreciate the honesty. Nessa said what they liked, what they didn't, and found it average. I can deal with that. It was a good eye-opener, and I appreciate that more than anything, I think.

So now that I'm reviewing a lot, or at least relatively often, I do want to keep in mind the feelings of the author, but I want to continue to be honest. I can't not be. And even when it's something I don't necessarily enjoy, I can usually find something I did like about it, or thought was clever. I try to list positives as well as negatives, and give an overall impression. For instance, in Renee Jordan's shifter book I reviewed, I was blown away by the elegant simplicity of some of the ideas she had. I was like, "OMFG why didn't I think of that?!" even though overall, I thought the book missed a few beats. Positives and negatives.

When reviewing on a five point system, I always figure out how I would score it on a ten point system and round down. It makes me a tougher reviewer, but I just can't... give away five stars easily. Hell, some of my favorite authors wouldn't get five stars from me on most of their stuff. That's just the way I am. I'm also generally reluctant to give one star on things... because often the act of creating the piece itself is enough to bump it up to two stars. Not many people follow through with their dreams and ambitions and actually WRITE. That deserves some recognition.

To sum up, what I find good in reviews is:

• Honesty
• Positive and negative points
• Ease of reading
• Amusement

The last one is really nebulous, and I think that's what makes people read one reviewer while others read another. Our senses of humor are all different, and mine is rather perverse and weird at times. Some folks like it, and some don't, and that's ok. The one thing I've learned over the years is that you just can't please everyone, and it's best to not even try to. 

Another NBS Review, Writing Block, and Man I Fucking Hate Customers (But Not You, Please Buy my Books)

I finished another review for the NBS! I abbreviate that in my head as "Naughty BitcheS" for some reason. Huh. Anyway, this time it was a bit longer than a short, but not quite a novella. I think they call them "novelettes"... at around 10K or so. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. Read the review here.

In writing news, I have hit a block. That might have something to do with the third part of the title or me hating on customers. I absolutely do not mean my book customers. Y'all are great. I keep hearing horror stories about lady authors getting random dick pics and being harassed... yet I have not been. Hurray for fans as socially-hermitlike as I am! I mean customers IRL here at my day job. When you get screamed at for any amount of time for shit that ain't your fault, it tends to put a kink in your day and dry up your creative juices. Ah, shit, if I had only thought about this before... I would have written something bloody for Prince of Cups, but I am concentrating on Rock's next story.

Not going good. I mean, when I'm writing, it's going fine. Yet I haven't been writing the last couple of days. Busy at day job and bad days at day job means Alana sulks by shooting zombies in the head in various games. Or wolves in my wolf attack simulator, otherwise known as The Long Dark. Forcing yourself to write when the mood isn't even in the same city as you is impossible. If it's in the same house with me sulking, I can usually coax a few hundred words here and there, but sweet jebus on a cracker, customers at my day job, just fucking let it go!

Alright, venting done! Tomorrow is another day, and I am determined to get this book out. Of course, I know when I switch books the words will come smooth, yet I am determined! Jotham will have to have his own sulk party because after this Rock book, I don't think I can write another for a lil while. Either they draw bad luck, or they're hard to write, or both man.

My Cherry Done Popped

...at being a Naughty Book Snitch! Patient Lee was the one who popped it. :P It was going to be someone else, but I'm still waiting for them to get back to me as they were on vacay. Totally understandable, but I was stuck with my writing, and I wanted to do something productive... and thus, I reviewed.

The book is Wicked Cold, and I got it for a freebie. I'd definitely say check it out, but go read the review, mother fuckers, and find out for yourselves!

In writing news, I am concentrating on Deep Nine. Other books keep trying to steal my attention, but I am not letting them. NOT LETTING THEM. I will cover my ears and sing LA LA LA real loud until they go away. In other words, I am going to finish this one if it kills me.

Officially Official at Being Unofficial!

...or something.

It's officially official I am a Naughty Book Snitch! I'm very excited about it, and can't wait to start (in between writing of course), though I'm not quite sure what it means for my reviews on this blog. What I think I will end up doing is linking it up to the Book Snitch site from here, and maybe put some extra thoughts here. I'll play it by ear. There's no hard and fast rule, of course.

That does leave this blog for actual writing stuff, which is good! Although reading and reviewing is part of the learning part for an author, it'll be good to focus on writing and promotion and other type of stuff here. Which reading that back I see that I'm already repeating myself, heh. What I MAY do is keep books which are requested for a review at the NBS, and books that I choose at random or that I want to review here.

At any rate, it'll be a lot of fun to see what kinds of stuff people have written! It might be good, it might be bad, it might be Chuck Tingle. We'll see.

Naughty Book Snitch... Alana?

Although it's not formalized yet, I applied to become one of Mindy's Naughty Book Snitches (check out the blog, I love their reviews) and Mindy got back to me tonight! The conversation went something like this:

Mindy: SQUEE!
Me: SQUEE!

Now, I've been doing reviews here for what... couple months, at most? I've reviewed stuff under my RL name of course, which shan't be given here because I am keeping my pen name and RL name separate, and I've reviewed a lot of fanfiction as I used to be a member of GAFF from days gone by. A lot... of really, really terrible fanfiction. (Agony in Pink anyone? Superman's Stump? Data Goes Ballistic? Hermoine and the Pizza Deliver Guy? Oh, and of course, Celebrian. Always Celebrian.) So, I know what bad stuff is... the question is, do I know what good stuff is?

In reality, reviews are all subjective. There's no wrong or right answer in a review. A reviewer is merely putting their opinion out there, saying what they liked and didn't like about something. When I review something, I look at things like grammar, spelling, and story construction. Yes, even in erotica. Certain genres have certain beats they need to hit, and while I may not always manage to hit them myself, I know it when I see it. I know some reviewers like to give authors a positive review--or at least a not-negative one--to help them out, but I'm not sure that's entirely helpful all the time.

I got burned a little bit when I told a reviewer to be honest... and they were. XD It wasn't a glowing review, but it wasn't bad either... however, it's the kind of review I like most. Point out stuff they like, stuff they didn't like, and weigh the pros and cons accordingly. If a reviewer is always one way or another, then it's not entirely honest. That's one reason why I like Mindy's reviews so much. When she likes something, she likes it. And when she doesn't, she tells you exactly why she doesn't, and why it doesn't work for her. It's almost always with the caveat of it may not work for her, but it might for you.

That's the kind of reviewer you can trust, and that's the kind I hope to be even if being an official snitch doesn't go through. (It might not! Just because we squee at each other a lot doesn't mean it will go through automatically!) If nothing else, I hope it's entertaining. I try, at any rate. So, we'll see! I must say I am excited at the possibility!

Also, Mindy had never heard of Chuck Tingle. This blasphemy was corrected quickly.

Payback Isn't Always a Bitch

I suck at tweeting.

I mean, I really suck at social media in general. People can be weird and scary. You can meet some good peeps (I met my husband over the internet! I ordered him from Amazon. :P), and you can meet some bad peeps. So, when it comes to Twitter and Facebook and suchlike, I'm really bad at like... you know... returning the favor. I don't do bite sized info very well because I'm very verbose even when I'm not trying to be. Keeping things inside 144 characters is a lot to ask!

However, I do get a lot of retweets and shares on Facebook, especially from Bryce, Reed James, and Deanna Michaels, among others. So, how do I pay them back? That's an excellent question. It's even more excellent because I don't have a ton of followers, and those that I do are generally other authors. We'd discussed this in a prior blog post.

I do recall where I got really fucking thrilled about a random review of one of my books on a blog post though, and I was like, "Hey, I can do that!" I'd already groused to Bryce about the fact that every author does reviews and it's like nothing special, but you know what... it still kinda is. I mean, it was random. I didn't ask for the review, someone found it and reviewed it all by themselves. I didn't trade for it or nothing. That made it special, and that they seemed to enjoy it made it even more special.

So, yes, I am giving in and deciding that in order to help support other authors who support me, I will review their books. This could potentially be good and bad for them, because I'm a harsh reviewer. If I read something that's not in my kink though, I won't penalize them for that because that's not far. As the famous cartoon from Penny Arcade goes, "It's not FOR me." I can, however, critique the writing, spelling, punctuation, story, and overall construction even if I don't like what I'm reading. I'm also unbiased, mostly, because even bad reviews help erotica writers, believe it or not. I wish I could put the reviews on Amazon, but sadly they are attached to my real name account so in order to keep my cover, I gotta stick to here and Goodreads.

I've already done a couple of Bryce's and one of Reed's. I haven't decided whether or not to keep it on this blog or make another blog for it, but I am leaning towards keeping it on this one. Keeping all my erotica ducks in a row. Even if just one person reads a review and considers getting a book because of it, then I will have repaid the debt.

Plus, it's nice. I like being nice. Unless the book sucks ass in which case I will probably not be nice, but in the nicest non-nice way possible. Because I really fucking hate bad writing.