Saturday, August 29, 2015

Feathery Discipline Review

The magical 100th post! There should be a celebration.


Thank you, Kevin Bacon.

So, for our 100th post of AWESOME we have a review! Mostly because I haven't had any new
We have problems with this cover for
this particular book. More later.
thoughts on erotica quite yet.

The review I'm doing today is of Renee Jordan's Feathery Discipline. Renee's very nice and retweets a lot of my advert tweets often, so this is a bit of payback for her being so nice. I wish I had chosen another of her books though, as I might be a bit... harsh at some points here. We'll start with the good.

One of the things that I liked is that our protagonist is not only a big curvy woman (hurray for fat love!) but that she started her own business! I like that! She was a go-getter! The whole plot revolves around that. Zera, which is somehow short for Alexandra, moves from a small town to the big city of Seattle to make her own business hiring out as a big beautiful maid. She takes a sexy picture for her advertisement on the web page, and that is the crux of the funniest part of the book. When she gets hired by Mr. Draven, a billionaire, to clean his house... she shows up like any housekeeper would. Like the picture below.

Super sexy!


Mr. Draven is very disappointed she isn't dressed in her sexy French maid outfit, and gives her four hundred bucks to buy a new one. Thus begins her submission to him.

The sex itself is written alright. It'll get your rocks off, especially if you are into the BBW fetish, because the author hits that hard (which is a plus in erotica). The author also hits the billionaire fetish hard, and there are some nice BDSM scenes throughout. None of it really got my motor revving, but billionaire is not one of my kinks. Maybe if it was, I would be more raving about it, because the sexy scenes were sexy. Which is the whole point. At this point, if you're looking for just a sexy read, you can stop here. It's sexy. There's lots of sex in it. It's a fairly long book (85ish pages about) for $2.99, you'll get lots of orgasms for your dollahs.

Because now I have to hit the bad points, and sadly there are a few of them. Now, I don't know how to review erotica without reviewing as a damn book. I know how to deconstruct books, look for plot, characterization, literary devices, spelling, grammar, etc etc etc. I don't know how to NOT review in this fashion, and when I leave a book I take the whole thing away with me. These words are imprinted onto my brain folks, so ... I have to review them all. And this is also not to say that MY stuff is super duper awesome. I'll admit, a lot of my stories I'm a hack writer. I make mistakes. I shove them out ASAFP to make money. I also hate editing. So, this is not saying that my stuff is awesome or more awesomer. When it comes right down to it, every review is an opinion and people will have many different opinions on the same thing.

Can you tell I don't want to hurt Renee's feelings? Ok, now onto the bad.

The cover. It's not good. It's plain, which is fine. Plain can work. Look at Felicity Brandon's books... they're all very straight and plain, but effective. However, the protagonist of this book is a big beautiful woman with curves... with red curly hair. Look at that cover. She is not big, nor a redhead. A little misleading.

The very first thing which threw me into strict editing mode was that the best friend's name changed from Issy to Izzy and back again. That was a major mistake. Yeah, there were some other errors in there--like "an" instead of "and" or extra apostrophes that didn't belong--but most of those were pretty minor. When editing, your eye skips right over them. I get that. The name-changing is something I can't forgive... it was for an entire chapter, and that's pretty major. The second grammar related thing I absolutely cannot forgive is the line:
I looked like the most sexiest, sluttiest maid ever.
What's wrong with that? Yup, that's right. You don't use two adjectives like that. You can't be the "most best", you're just the best. In this example, she's not the most sexiest, sluttiest maid ever, she's the sexiest, sluttiest maid ever. Breaking that grammar rule, even more than forgetting the friend's name, broke me out of what suspension of disbelief I had. Grammar nazi? Why yes, yes I am.

The other thing is that while the protagonist Zera started off adventurous moving to a big city and starting her own business (Yay!), she quickly capitulated to the billionaire who hired her to be his slutty maid. And she was also uncertain about her looks, which I was like, "Damn, girl, if you're flaunting your shit all over the internet in a slutty maid's outfit, have some damn pride in your looks!" That's pretty quickly abandoned though. The last thing, which put the nail in the coffin for me was that after one kiss, she falls in love.

Sigh.

I know it's an erotic romance. I get that. But give me a little bit more tension. A little more. I mean, we all know there's going to be a happily ever after, or at least a happy for now ending. Nope, one kiss. Not FUCKING her, no no. Kissing her. Once. Lurv. Sigh. I was also disappointed that the twist in the middle (one of) with the girlfriend wasn't used more effectively. I would have enjoyed a punishment scene with the girlfriend and the slutty maid. Gimme some hot hate sex.

It's not sexy, it's hurty.
In the end, I have to give this book three feather dusters of ten. If you just want to get your rocks off, this will absolutely work. Alas, because I am picky and tear things apart, I just could not sit back and enjoy the book. It wasn't the worst ever. Also, keep in mind that I would rate 50 Shades of Grey NEGATIVE FIFTY because I hate that book so fucking much, and that seems to be the standard for eroms now.

TL;DR: Sex scenes good, everything else... meh.

EDIT: I keep finding stuff I forgot to mention, like how the protagonist talked about her bra/bodice being so tight she almost fell out of it because BIG BEWBS. I have big bewbs IRL. The image that came to me was not sexy, it was, "Girl, you need to get a bra that fits right" coupled with a side of "fourboob". Bras can actually pinch quite hard if you are not wearing one that fits right, and you can get low cut bras that are sexy and lacy and very pretty! But fourboob is one of the most horrible and uncomfortable things ever for a lady.


Thursday, August 27, 2015

A Review of Riddled by the Sphinx

Yes, we have a review by My Little Pr0ny of Riddled by the Sphinx! I have to say check it out, but check out all of their reviews. They are hysterical, and I enjoy reading them a lot, which is why I'm usually up on when they review a new book of mine. :P

I wonder what they'll think of when they get up to Thunderstruck? It really did take a darker turn. I have to remember that the series is about pulp adventure and not SUPER SERIOUS SERIOUSNESS OF SERIOUS.


Monday, August 24, 2015

Dominating Her Shifter Now Live on Amazon!

Yes, that's right, another Dominating short has made it live! This one clocked in at around 4,700, which I would have liked to do more, but I have many novels/novellas to work on! That being said, it wasn't rushed, and the end of the story was rather sweet.


Sunday, August 16, 2015

Blowjob from Your Stalker Review

So today, we have Blowjob from your Stalker by Patient Lee. I got this book when it was being
Cover is definitely succinct and to the point.
I mean seriously, you can't get any more
to the point than this!
offered for free, so hurray for free! (Free books are the BEST books!) It's for sale on Amazon for $0.99 which is a good deal, because the story itself is rather short. It has a decent length excerpt teaser for another book at the end.

This story is basically a letter from a dude's stalker who writes him but doesn't send the letters. She saw him one night and was instantly in love, but didn't talk to him that night. She got to know him through mutual friends later... yet still hasn't really talked to him or asked him out. Instead, she writes obsessive letters and doesn't send them. And does drive-bys of his house. The title of the book pretty much details the whole of the story: this letter details a blowjob she imagines giving him.

This is a ... very odd story, and I enjoyed it, but I had a problem with it which I'll detail later. For now, the good stuff! The description of the blowjob was amazing. A-MAZE-ING. Obviously, I'm not a dude so I can't vouch for the male side of things, but from the female side of things? Yeah. I mean, yeah. Patient nailed it from the woman's POV. It's an extremely fun, extremely sexy, extremely pleasurable thing to do for your partner and yourself and the description here is fucking awesome. I was seriously in awe of this woman's writing chops. The story evocative... and here's where I get to the dubious bad.

It's short, and while that's usually not a problem, here it is. This story BEGS for more. It was like opening up in the middle of a book, reading an excerpt which made you wonder how they got there, and where they're going... and then closing the book and never reading it again. I'm left to wonder what happened? Did she ever send it? How long had she been stalking him? Did she ever escalate? There is a whole Single White Female-esque story here, which the written prose just scratched the surface of. This could be a thriller novel, a mystery novel, an erotica novel... the potential here is amazing... and unrealized. It's frustrating when you find something like this. I want to read more, and while usually this is a good thing because that's what all authors want, here it leaves me frustrated. I know there's no sequels or prequels. It's just a quick segment, a slice of someone's life. An interesting potentially crazy someone's life. Is she crazy? Is she actually stalking him? I want to know!

Like I said, normally brevity in erotica is not a thing to be frowned upon, but in this case, Patient raises so many questions (at least for me) it was terribly distracting. The sex was hot, the description was hot, the prose was tight and well-edited. Even if there were any mistakes, I didn't see 'em because I was so into it. However, when I got to the end and realized it WAS the end, I was disappointed because... so many unanswered questions. If she ever expanded this (especially if she went the crazy Fatal Attraction way), I would be all over this in a heartbeat. As it is, sometimes... it can be too short. However, if you just want a quick, crazy hot read of a blowjob blow by blow, this is for you. If you're like me and want more meat in your story, you may end up like me and be disappointed. I'd still heartily recommend it, and give it 7 of 10 crazy stalker letters (does she include hair or nail clippings? Does she have a shrine at home? Seriously, it's a testament to her writing ability that I'm still thinking about these things).

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Thunderstruck by Thor Now Live on Amazon!

That's right, after a couple month hiatus, The Janus Key Chronicles World 8: Thunderstruck by Thor is now live on Amazon! This one took a bit of a darker turn as it was Debbie's first solo adventure after the twins were separated and it had to be a bit darker to set up her next adventure in World 10. Weirdness still happens here, and of course, hot sex, but it's just a touch darker than the previous JKC. Enjoy!!


Kitten on a Rooftop: The Thrust Diaries Case 1 Review

Alright, so I wanted something to read. Something sexy. Something cool. Something... with superheroes! Who doesn't love superheroes? They've been on my mind a lot since I finished
Villainess, and you know, it's sort of a small subsect of the erotica genre which is growing in popularity, so why not review one?

I chose Kitten on a Rooftop: The Thrust Diaries Case 1 because I thought if I liked it, there's more out there, yeah? It's written by Sasha Twyst. I liked the cover too, because it's all comic-booky, and I really like comic books. (I'm a Marvel girl though, sorry DC chaps... although the husband is expanding my interest in the DC 'verse) It doesn't scream erotica, but that's ok. Not all erotica covers do, and the title certainly says it's all about fucking, so that's cool. When I found out the super heroine's name wasn't like "The Azure Kitten" I was disappointed though... because I felt Kitten being used here was derogatory, because the heroine's name was actually Puma Blue... which isn't a bad name. (Side note: Herr Jackalope for a villain name was fantastic! Sadly, we do not get to see Herr Jackalope in action. I was sad.)

Initially, the tale starts off with a hero talking about how people got super powers almost overnight due to the "Wonder Event" (sound familiar? Heh) and how the dude was surprised to magically have rock hard abs and be in perfect shape, and super strength and invulnerability, etc etc etc. Ok, so obligatory background out of the way, the plot is... two heroes meet on a rooftop and fuck.

I have two main problems with this book, and that last sentence is my first problem. This is like "Two people meet in a bar and fuck". Where's the dastardly villain who seduces the heroine? (or the hero!) Where's the foiling of the evil plot? Where's the minions they get to bash in the head and then embrace dramatically afterwards (and have lots of sex)? Meet on a rooftop. Fuck.

Sigh.

Let's say it all together guys: that isn't a plot. It's a situation, a single cog in a machine that goes nowhere in this book. A single cog, after all, does not make a machine. A single situation does not make a story. Even in erotica, there's got to be some tension, some action (even if it's romantic tension--that's action in erotica!). Taking another story for example, Donut Slut, there's a story there. It's not a huge story, but there's a story. Chick gets donuts, is warned against them, fucks donuts, humiliating (and satisfactory) ending/resolution... AND there was a denouement in that one. That's four separate parts in that pretty quick erotica. This story... there's the introduction which set up the world... and they fuck on a roof. I really feel there was a missed opportunity here. A huge missed opportunity. The villain had minions called "Bunnymen" for crying out loud! We have bits and pieces of a backstory here, and it's just... meet on a roof and fuck. Can you tell I'm stuck on that?

The second major problem with this is... I'm about 99.9% ad infinitum sure this was written by a dude. Ok, ok, Alana, you might ask me, how do you know that? First, it's in the male first person POV... which doesn't mean shit honestly. It's a little weird for m/f stories to have a male POV, but not unheard of. I often write in the male perspective (usually third person though) during m/f stories myself. I have a theory that it's because I happen to like mostly "dude" stuff: comics, spy movies, actions movies, horror, video games, etc etc. (even though those things aren't "dude" things, just things, most people associate dudes with them still). As I was reading though, when we get to the female MC, she's described in luscious detail with her breasts... and I started to check out mentally here. I don't care. Women don't care (generally) about a woman's ta-tas and how huge they are. Ok, ok, but it IS from a dude's POV so that would be in line with the character.

And then we get to the pussy licking. Ok, ok, yes, girls all like it different... but not really. There are some lucky, lucky women who do come from penis in vagina sex. However, most women do really need to have clitoral stimulation. When the guy licking her sex goes around her vagina--NOT clitoris, vagina... oh hell, let me quote:
I said nothing, my mouth otherwise occupied, but swirled my tongue around in circles just at the entrance to her pussy then as deep as I could go [with his tongue].
Third strike, you're out, yo. I can quite well imagine what that would feel like, and I would be confused rather than orgasming. Granted, all women are different, all people have different kinks and turn-ons, and all people come in different way. I get that. For me, it was really distracting. I kept on thinking Puma Blue was faking it. That is not the impression you want to get from erotica.

The idea I thought was great (hey, I'm writing super powered erotica too, so of course I think it's an awesome idea!), and I think the writer can write. The prose was pretty clean and well edited. There's hints at a background there, and other things going on... we just don't get to see it. It was frustrating. That, and the all male mindset really threw me out of the story. However, I'm not taking off too many points for that because it's not the male POV that threw me, but the style/writing choices while writing in that perspective. I'd give it four rooftop fucks out of ten.



Monday, August 10, 2015

Customer Service Review

I bet if waitresses wore just this
they'd get tipped more all the time.
Back for another review! This one is Customer Service by Felicity Brandon. I'd like to stop and give her a shout out here real quick for getting an actual publishing contract! Look for her book Submission at the Tower hopefully very soon. :)

First thing I'd like to say is that the cover is a bit plain, but most of Felicity's covers concentrate on the model in the picture, and since this is her first book, I think this one set the pace for that. It's not bad, don't get me wrong, just a bit plain. It does convey that it's erotica pretty well though, and I like that she didn't cut the head off the model like so many other erotica covers do.

Second thing I'd like to mention is that it's in the present and not past tense. It still reads pretty smooth, but that particular style choice I do not care for. I don't take marks off for it because it's a valid style choice, but were I not purchasing this book (and yes, I purchased it, none of her stuff is in KU) for the purposes of a review but rather for my own reading pleasure, I would have skipped it.

Alright! So now to the review! Polly, the main character of the story is a waitress having a really busy and bad night. Rachel is one of her customers, whom she doesn't serve exactly awesome. Rachel leaves Polly a note saying she has a great ass and to call her sometime, with a number.

This is where I took some points off... I work in customer service in my real life, and I have to say... Rachel didn't leave a tip! What the hell! Having been a waitress, even if the super hottest guy in the universe left me a note and no tip after being a bastard all night while I was having a bad day... I'd throw the note directly in the trash and probably cuss him out all night. It'd also turn into one of my weird customer service stories. "Yeah, I served this guy and he left me a fucking note hitting on me instead of a tip! Like I was gonna go suck his dick after that, I don't give a fuck HOW hot he was!"

Fortunately, that annoyance is addressed as Polly takes a bath and chills out later, then thinks how intriguing it was. She'd never been hit on by a woman before, and thus... the story really takes off when she calls Rachel. Sexy hijinks ensue.

I don't want to give up too much more for the actual acts...but it is a BDSM femdom story, which are close to my heart. Granted, it's a lesbian story, but the femdom in it is pretty hot. Felicity is a good writer too. The manuscript is really polished, smooth, and even though it's in a style I don't care for, very easy to read and forget about the 'fuck this note shit!' in the beginning. The sex is hot, but I do have one more quibble, which I think just goes to show this is her first story... and if this is the beginning and she only got better from here? DAMN. Color me envious.

Anyway, the one last quibble... at one point, Polly narrates that she's being spanked and her mistress is avoiding her pussy. The very next sentence Polly tells us her mistress hits her pussy now and again... which is a direct contradiction to the previous sentence. That's it. I mean, that's all that I could find technically wrong with the prose... that's it. That's really fucking impressive. When I say it's polished, I mean it's really polished.

I would give this 8 of 10 spankings. Not my cup of tea since I am mostly straight, but incredibly well written, and it has a very hot mistress in it.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

The Pixie's Passion (Book One of the Mortal Champion) Review

It's a pretty cover too. Doesn't scream
erotica, but fantasy, which is nice, IMO.
Alrighty, here's the last copy/paste from Goodreads... and then Goodreads is gonna get copy/pasted from here. :P When I do more reviews, I mean. Which will be shortly. Anyway! Here's the next review. It's of The Pixie's Passion, Book One of the Mortal Champion, by Reed James. Reed's a good guy, very positive, and willing to do reviews too. He reviewed The Shagging Tree and gave it five stars, which was awfully nice of him. Now, I know erotica writers who review often like give out only good reviews. From what I've seen of Reed's reviews, he's either really selective, or is just a positive person and says all nice things. The lowest I've seen on his site is three stars. 

First, I'm doing a ten point system, so if you get a three, that's kinda bad. Second, I assure you that while things are taken into account for how the erotica genre is (ie, mostly shorts, plot's not AS big a deal, etc etc), I'm still rating it whatever. If I enjoyed the read, I enjoyed it. If I didn't, then I didn't. That being said, let's go on to the actual review. This is copy/pasted from Goodreads.

"I just finished this book, and I have to say I think it's a winner. I'm going to go through the bad first, and then gush. :)

The bad: There are some spelling/formatting errors scattered throughout the text which I found distracting. Most of these are of the 'spell check reads it as ok, but it's really not' variety, such as using your instead of you're and so on. I'm a bit nitpicky when it comes to my books, and proper formatting is a must. It throws me immediately out of the story and makes me reach for my red pen. 

In addition, and this is *personal preference*, some of the sex scenes were too short. HOWEVER! That being said, there are a lot of them! For the most part, they are very well written. I just wish there was more? Can that be a bad?

The good: The plot was very intriguing and MADE SENSE. Yes, of COURSE it makes sense Maeve fucks guys to see if they are the champion. It's a perfect set up. And yes, of COURSE she's open to sexual relationships--she's a faerie! Not only that, but I really loved how Reed touched on polyamory, which is something that isn't discussed a whole lot, and how it's loving people with permission of your partner. Such a great way to put it! 

This is, of course, a plot heavy book, but the plot doesn't move that much, at least not initially. I would basically put it as the first act of a first novel of a trilogy. This is the Heroic Set Up where we find out who the hero is, and actions begin to brew to move against our hero. I also liked the parallels drawn between Summer and Winter, but as I read further in the series, I hope that the capriciousness of all fae--at least according to mythology--is highlighted, and how alien they can be. Of course, since it's the first book, a lot of the plot did deal with the set-up and worldbuilding, and I'm perfectly happy with that. 

The sex was pretty hot, and it was plentiful. As I mentioned before, some of the scenes were short, but that's a personal preference. I would rate it 4.5 stars (I always round down when it comes to ratings), and if the formatting errors were fixed, I would probably bump it up to a five."

After reading this, I'd probably give it an 8 pixie pussies bordering on 8.5. Those errors really threw me out of the story. And I've been nailed for that stuff too--I totally get it. It's stuff the author's eye just skips over when they are editing. It happens. Happens all the time. Distracting enough I just can't quite... give it more. I really am looking forward to the next in the series, and soon enough I'm sure it'll be up here as a review. In the meantime, I'd say check it out. It's sexy, and it was entertaining.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Queen of Swords Review!

I was absolutely thrilled to get this review, which I will repost here, for Queen of Swords. Of course, since this is my blog I'm allowed to squee and crow just a bit. :) Check it out!

As a big fan of urban adult/erotic fantasy, it's oftentimes difficult to find a story that can mesh a great story with the erotic. The Queen of Swords does that very, very well. It has an interesting plot, compelling characters, an ACTUAL storyline, and great sex. The story is rather dark but I like that. There are many books written from the hero perspective. It was refreshing to get to see the villain side of things for once. Especially one as interesting as Caprice. She's psycho, yes, but not one dimensional in any way.The plot is pretty standard. A job is taken, Trouble ensues, Secrets are revealed. However, what raises this to the level of great are the little things the author throws in. I won't give away all of them but I will point out the one that really impressed me. In most stories, the female protagonist is always described as gorgeous, beautiful, or perfect. Caprice is no different. However, Caprice reveals that she got her perfection from a metahuman that molds flesh. She wasn't born with it. She had to pay for it. I really liked that. After all, wouldn't we all go for perfection if we could afford it?My only complaint is that I finished the book. I want more! Hopefully the author continues this as a series. I will be reading every one. So should everyone looking for a great story/read.

No, No, 'Zombie Tree Gangbang 17' is Really Action Adventure! Really!

On the eroticaauthor subreddit over the past couple of days, there's been a lot of arguing about a black hat tactic which touches on my stuff (more on that later): categorizing erotica as something other than erotica. Do NOT get me wrong: It IS a black hat tactic, hands down, although you can find sexy stuff in other categories. Let's start from the beginning.

When people write, they both want to create something and make money. Usually the latter, to be honest. For me, it's mostly the former (although smutbucks have really helped this summer since I took a paycut when I switched jobs, and now they've cut my hours a bit, sigh), but I'm not opposed to making money. Far from it! The dream for many writers is to write so well, so often, and sell so much they can quit their day jobs and just write for a living.

When it comes to selling, obviously they are going to spam Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and whatever other social media they can. They're going to ask you to buy it, to read it, and you know what? That's advertising. We know what they're selling, and we can make an informed choice. I mean, Zombie Tree Gangbang is pretty self-explanatory, right? It's obviously erotica. Maybe fantasy erotica, maybe action adventure erotica, but it's definitely erotica.

One of the things black hat authors do is miscategorize their works and put them under romance, or action, or fantasy, or whatever other category. Usually romance, though. Instead of giving romance, or even steamy hot erotic romance, they get just the erotic part. I would imagine that would piss a few people off.

How does this relate to me? Well, I've actually a couple of stories in romance AND horror and one in fantasy. Why not do this black hat tactic for everything? First, the way I've used it is not to categorize something incorrectly--it's actually to put things in the right spot. The horrorotica I've written (other than the first, that would be horror and erotica) is actually mostly horror, with romance. Primal Urges is actually skating that fine line, but it was such a good story, I thought it would fit better with romance and horror than erotica.

The fantasy one, of course, is my most recent. Yes, there's... three sex scenes in it. For 26K+ words, that's actually not much. In about the same amount of words, I fit in six in Rock's book, which I put under erotica. It  COULD have gone under action/adventure, but the sexy spy situations were to put him in sexy spy situations...it was made to be erotica, start to finish. With a story, yes, and an OK one IMO, but still erotica. Queen of Swords was conceived as erotica, but it turned into a legit story, with a complete plot, start to finish, and not only that, but I keep thinking of where to take Caprice next... and 99% of it doesn't involve sex. It involves villainy and super heroes and... it's a supervillain book. I thought long and hard on it, but while there are sexy scenes in it, they aren't the focus.

I think that's what makes it black hat. When romance is the focus (or action, fantasy, whatever) even if the book has sexy stuff in it, it should go under romance. When the sex is the focus, it should go under erotica, even if it does have a complete plot in it (like Thrustmaster--complete plot, but sex was SO the focus). To do so otherwise, to advertise a book as something it's not, that is a black hat tactic, and I will not do that. So, rest assured, if I say something is horror, it's horror. If I say it's erotica, it's erotica. The lines may blur a little bit (it can be both!), but I will never mislabel a book.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Donut Slut!: Ariana's Cream-Filled Magical Sex Adventure Review

How could you not love Pussy
Donut? Pussy Donut is
disappointed in your ass.
It's a two-fer today! As in you're getting two reviews, both books by Bryce. He's such a great guy, and he writes some weird shit. Case in point: Donut Slut!

I guess this was based off of Ariana Grande like licking some donuts or something, which I missed because I'm a social and internet hermit, but he wrote it quickly, and put it out there... where it got adult-filtered. That made me sad, because this book was funny as hell. Again, as before, I did review this on Goodreads, so let me put that here, and then add to it.

"So... I went into this thinking I wouldn't like it, but I kept an open mind. I mean, it's... donuts. How sexy can donuts be? This book... this story was funny as HELL. Not only that, but it was sexy too. "Pussy Donut" cracked my shit up, even as I was finding the whole situation hot. Yeah, it's magical donuts... but who cares? Our lead here was obviously having a good time, and ... I just cannot rave enough about Pussy Donut. Pussy Donut is fucking MAGIC. Ariana might be the star, but for me, the donuts stole the show. 

Five stars. Would Pussy Donut again."


I'm not kidding when I said it was funny. Pussy Donut is my favorite character like ever. She's like the sassy black girlfriend, except in delicious donut form. Who's also a lesbian. Or a dude. So I'm not sure what I was saying here, except Pussy Donut stole the show.  I definitely rate this 10 out of 10 donut lickings. The sex was hot, but it was so fucking funny. I was laughing my ass off from the first time Pussy Donut opened her magical sprinkled lips.


This seriously was right up my alley. I write about butt fucking dinosaurs, so yeah, weird shit? I'm on it like white on rice. It takes a special kind of writer to actually write funny shit. I'm sorry, anyone can write cock, balls, pussy, cunt, licking, throbbing, cum, shooting, stars explode, fin. Seriously. Anyone can. A lot of the erotica I've read has just not been good, and a lot of the so-called "funny" erotica has been terrible. Hell, a lot of comedy books I've read in general have not been good. So, if a book can get me to laugh AND turn me on? With donuts? For realz, yo, that's some good fucking writing.


It bears repeating: Would Pussy Donut again.

Angel's Kiss Review

Alright, so I promised reviews, and you'll get them! But we're going to start by reposting reviews I've already
Plus, his covers are so pretty too. I know he
has a graphic design background, and it
shows!
done on Goodreads. Yeah, a bit boring, I know, but I have been busy writing and not reading lately! I can't exactly review my own books. :P

This one is Angel's Kiss by Bryce Calderwood. What I wrote on Goodreads was this:

"While futa girls are not my kink, the sex Bryce writes is really hot. However, more than the sex, I enjoyed the world building, mythos, and characters he's created in this series so far. (I'm still reading Demon's Embrace--yes, I actually finished the second one first. Sue me.) My rating would actually be 4.5 stars (I always round down, sorry man), and if it were my kink, I would definitely reread it. I am eagerly looking forward to the next in the series just to see where Bryce leads Veronica next!"

All that is true. I don't like the five star system though. I'd rate this book a 9 futa girl cocks out of 10. Why not a perfect 10? Glad you asked... there's actually not enough plot for me and too much sex. Ha! Who complains about an erotica with too much sex? It's not really a complaint, but that I would have rather read more about ass-kicking and the world. Yes, I know it's erotica. That doesn't mean it has to be wall to wall sex! And the sex he wrote is pretty damn hot. It's not my kink, but it's so well written and evocative it could have been. And to be honest, I can wait until he writes the next one to read it. :P But it's a really damn interesting series, and a really damn interesting world. I want to see what happens in it.

The plot? Well, demon hunter Veronica hooks up (in more ways than one) with an angel, Sariel, to confront the demon villainess from the first book, Xezbeth. There's a couple of plot twists in there, but it's a pretty basic 'world is going to end, we gotta do something about it, let's stop and fuck first' book. Which, now that I think on it, is about the plot to every single paranormal romance out there ever. But with well written sex, instead of Ikea sex like in the Anita Blake books. Only somewhat less wangst, though. However, it's nice to see a heroine have a good cry and not be shamed for it, like she's not strong enough. I enjoyed that.

I've actually almost finished Demon's Embrace, so when I start anew with "new" reviews, then that will likely be one of the first.





Thursday, August 6, 2015

Villainess #1: Queen of Swords Live on Amazon!

Wow, do I suck at self-promotion or what? So excited was I about the cover, I posted about that, but forgot to post when the book was actually live! So, for those few who read this, Queen of Swords is live on Amazon right now!

It actually came in at just shy of 27K words, and I did a weird thing here, although it makes sense. Yes, there is sex in the book, and some of it is really hot. However... it's actually... plot driven. As in it's all about the plot. I sat down and thought about it long and hard, "Should I categorize this in erotica? Yes, there's sex, but that's actually not the main thrust of the story." Unlike with Operation: Thrustmaster, I wrote spy situations to get him specifically into sexy situations. Caprice's sexy situations just happened, or were negotiated. And yes, she has a lot of sex, and will in the future, but the whole book is about this job she took and the consequences which arrived from it. It's plot, not sex, driven. I can't see any future ones NOT being plot driven either, especially since I had a fantastic time writing it. I also can't see sex not being in it either, because she's an incredibly sexual and violent person.

I did as all writers should do: turned to research. Looking up superheroes and supervillains on Amazon found me a lot of erotica. A lot of it. Like. Tons. So, alright, at least that trail had been blazed before me, but the thing is... much of it should be in erotica. When I did some reading, it wasn't plot orientated. There was a whole series parody capitalizing on the Avengers movie and Marvel movie universe in general, and... I don't know. The whole deal left me feeling a bit underwhelmed. However, I feel that categorizing Queen of Swords as 'fantasy > superheroes' is the right choice for this series. I put warnings on for explicit sex including some light bdsm, and people can take just a glance at my catalog and figure out what I write. The thing is... this book? It IS about superheroes (well, villains, but other side of that coin), and their world, and how this one villain is navigating through it. I'm not doing what some black hat authors do and mis-categorizing their books. Hell, I put my horrorotica under 'horror' and 'romance', and that's true. I couldn't do otherwise. I just couldn't.

Anyway, in case you missed it before, here's the beautiful cover Jotham did! Go out, and buy it now! :P




Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Payback Isn't Always a Bitch

I suck at tweeting.

I mean, I really suck at social media in general. People can be weird and scary. You can meet some good peeps (I met my husband over the internet! I ordered him from Amazon. :P), and you can meet some bad peeps. So, when it comes to Twitter and Facebook and suchlike, I'm really bad at like... you know... returning the favor. I don't do bite sized info very well because I'm very verbose even when I'm not trying to be. Keeping things inside 144 characters is a lot to ask!

However, I do get a lot of retweets and shares on Facebook, especially from Bryce, Reed James, and Deanna Michaels, among others. So, how do I pay them back? That's an excellent question. It's even more excellent because I don't have a ton of followers, and those that I do are generally other authors. We'd discussed this in a prior blog post.

I do recall where I got really fucking thrilled about a random review of one of my books on a blog post though, and I was like, "Hey, I can do that!" I'd already groused to Bryce about the fact that every author does reviews and it's like nothing special, but you know what... it still kinda is. I mean, it was random. I didn't ask for the review, someone found it and reviewed it all by themselves. I didn't trade for it or nothing. That made it special, and that they seemed to enjoy it made it even more special.

So, yes, I am giving in and deciding that in order to help support other authors who support me, I will review their books. This could potentially be good and bad for them, because I'm a harsh reviewer. If I read something that's not in my kink though, I won't penalize them for that because that's not far. As the famous cartoon from Penny Arcade goes, "It's not FOR me." I can, however, critique the writing, spelling, punctuation, story, and overall construction even if I don't like what I'm reading. I'm also unbiased, mostly, because even bad reviews help erotica writers, believe it or not. I wish I could put the reviews on Amazon, but sadly they are attached to my real name account so in order to keep my cover, I gotta stick to here and Goodreads.

I've already done a couple of Bryce's and one of Reed's. I haven't decided whether or not to keep it on this blog or make another blog for it, but I am leaning towards keeping it on this one. Keeping all my erotica ducks in a row. Even if just one person reads a review and considers getting a book because of it, then I will have repaid the debt.

Plus, it's nice. I like being nice. Unless the book sucks ass in which case I will probably not be nice, but in the nicest non-nice way possible. Because I really fucking hate bad writing.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Queen of Swords Cover!

Yes, I'm really excited about this... sue me. :)

So, my graphic designer took my "Uh, it's kinda about this, and she wears a mask and here's the title...and a picture..." and made a brilliantly beautiful cover from my stumbling words. The cover for the newly finished (and getting edited) Queen of Swords, Villainess #1 book is here!


I have to squee. It's so beautiful. It just is! I know it doesn't necessarily read "erotica" but I don't give a fuck. I march to the beat of some... other drummer, and take the path less paid and chosen and all that. I know he's got some refining to do, and to change the title somewhat (not the Queen of Swords bit, but adding or changing a line of text to make sure "Villainess" gets in there). 

For the ONE person who I know has read parts of my legit novel, I'm actually setting it in the same world, but not at the same time. 

I JUST CAN'T STOP SQUEEING! It's so pretty! It's way better than I could have imagined. I think I'm going to make him keep the mask motif up on every cover for this series. And yes, there will be more. I love Caprice's voice. It's dark, and it's a bit gritty, and it's... well, it's a world of villainy. It's not going to be a light read. It's something I would read. It may turn out like my horrorotica and not be a good seller, but I loved writing it. It was so much fun.

With cover adjustments and editing, the book may even be out by Sunday. If not, shortly thereafter. I don't have much editing to do... but rather going through and making sure a few plot threads line up, and there are no errors. Depending on how RL work goes, I should be done editing this time tomorrow.