Monday, January 25, 2016

Normalization (Serious Post)

I'm taking a break from sexy writing and not-so-sexy editing to talk about serious shit for a minute. Or ten. If you don't want to hear about serious business, then move on to the next blog. I also want to say that I'm not right on everything. There's NO WAY I can be right on everything, and thus, all I can share is my opinion, and that's what this is.

Tonight, I blocked someone for trans hate on Facebook. I made a quick post about it, because it skeeves me out, and I noted I had a lot of mutual friends with that friend. Thus if people are worried about it, they can private message me asking who, check it out for themselves, and make their own decision if they wanted to block or not. I did not out the person I blocked.

The post got a couple replies, and one was really long and like. "Well, when they change their outside then I'll embrace them" and I had to stop myself from blocking another person. It wasn't a hateful message--don't get me wrong, it really wasn't--but it was ignorant. I won't say I am the know it all of trans issues. I don't know shit. I have only what experiences I've read or trans people have told me to draw on, and how those persons wished to be treated. The vast majority have said if they identify as male or female, then they are and wish to be treated as such. Perfect. I don't really care. I know that sounds bad, but I don't. It's their body, their lives, I think I can change a pronoun use to make it a little easier for them. Big whoop, right?

The thing that got me thinking though is we're living in an era where homosexual people can marry! They're becoming accepted! Most people are for gay rights to be equal to straight people's right, and that's awesome! The next step in acceptance is trans rights. And that isn't to say that we all have equal rights. Women don't. As girls we're still told not to expose shoulders or knees to boys, lest they get all "distracted". People of race don't have equal rights, not when African Americans get pulled over like a billion times more than white people. Gay folks still don't have equal rights, when individual judges can say "No, I decide not to recognize your FEDERALLY GIVEN right to marry. Nope."

And that shit's not fucking cool man.

Where does change really come from? It comes from our culture. It comes from the bizarre becoming normal. Thirty years ago, a person with a tattoo was a fucking rebel and a bad person! Now it's all over the place, totally boring and commonplace. Long hair back in the 60's was a sign that you were a hippie and probably a drug user, and part of that "fringe" community... now it's normalized. No one cares. Yes, those things might be little things, but take it back to the 60's. If people of different colors married, they were in fucking mortal danger. Now, it's accepted. Not as much as it should be, but it's nothing most people would think twice about. It's being normalized.

As a white cisgender straight woman, I do feel uncomfortable writing about people of color or trans. I can understand gay a bit, because honestly, I think everyone's sexuality is fluid, and there's a bit of homo and hetero in all of us. Yet, I'm totally whitebread. HOW DARE I write about people of color! Stupid white person don't know nothing about struggle! That's... kinda what I'm afraid to get if I do, y'know? The problem here is that for erotica, the different is sexualized and fetishized. Even if I did write about what I mentioned I would be afraid I would be fetishizing it, which I don't want. The one story I wrote--My Big, Black Bodyguard Banged my Wife!--which featured a person of color prominently is fetishized a bit... but not all that much. If you read the story, there's actually a loving relationship between all three, and an understanding. It's probably why even in a "hot" category like cuckolding and interracial it totally bombed, lol. I just can't do it. I cannot write that.

The question remains, how can I (whitebread straight cis boring person) help to normalize other cultures, minorities, sexualities, and genders? I can incorporate them into my regular stories. For example, Michael? Nosferatu from Villainess? He's Puerto Rican. It's stated explicitly in the text that he's Hispanic. Many of my characters are gay or bisexual. When Dirk and Debbie go hopping through time and space, they are going to--and already have actually--be a person of color, since their bodies change. They don't remark upon it other than to note, "Hey, I'm African American", because for them, the characters, it's normalized. The Delilah Devilshot series will have many guest stars of minorities because the Wild West wasn't white. It just wasn't. The first of which will be Celia, a Mexican young woman who features prominently in the book... and will continue to appear in later books (as I had a really rad idea for her). Rock's had a very sexy run in with a Mistress of color (one of my favorite scenes actually) where it wasn't, again, made into a fetish. It was noted, made clear, and then moved right on... to the actual fetish parts of that scene, heh.

I'm not saying that I'm doing a great job, because there could be (and should be! And will be in the future) more. I also don't know if I will ever feel comfortable writing from a minority point of view as a lead character. I want to. I'm afraid I'll get it wrong, but I want to try because it shouldn't fucking matter. It still does, and that bothers me.

Last thing I want to say, about the blocking? Yeah, you know, I will defend to the death your right to say whatever you want... hate speech included. Doesn't mean I agree with it and doesn't mean I have to listen to it, and it doesn't mean I can't counter it. This, and my Facebook and Twitter and whatever online presence I have, is MY space. There is NO hate speech allowed period. I don't fucking care to debate it. It's not fucking cool. Body shaming isn't fucking cool. Saying that a trans person doesn't know what they want isn't cool, or saying they are not "really" a woman or a man. Putting people down for being different isn't fucking cool. Don't like it. Won't listen to it. This is a space meant for sexy times. It's meant for writing sexy times. It's meant to say, "I find curves fucking sexy!" or "Sucking cock is awesome!" or whatever. Sexy times. And writing. It's not ever been an issue yet, and I rather doubt it will be (lol yeah, like I'm famous or something, let me go laugh my stupid head off for a while then come back and finish writing this). But just as a note, that kind of shit just won't fucking be tolerated. I don't care if it costs me sales. I'm not writing for the damn money anyway.

And yeah, some things may end up being offensive. I won't say I'll be politically correct here all the time either. I'm writing about sex, for Christ's sake. I'm writing a story about a bisexual man getting a hand job from Jesus right now. That gonna offend some people? Yeah. Yeah it will. Still writing it. People are absolutely free to say how much they hate it. I'm cool with that.

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